Proclaim your Piety!

Tired of people not being able to tell just how religious you are? Do you sometimes wonder if you can spread the word of God in an easier fashion? Well then, there's good news! Your car is a wonderful way to spread the joy and compassion of Christ without ever having to be joyful or compassionate! When life starts to get you down you can rest assured that you are more pious than your neighbor. All you need is this scale to determine who has the most faith.
  • Christian bumper sticker-1 pt.
  • Decals (e.g. the "Jesus Fish") - 1 pt.
  • Offensive Christian bumper sticker (e.g. Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve) - 2 pts.
  • Christian license plate - 3 pts. (b/c of the recurring cost you get more points)
  • Pictures of aborted fetuses - 4 pts.
Give yourself and appropriate amount of points for each sticker you have, then tally them all together.
  • 1-3 pts. Not very pious, check out this website to help increase your score. You may have voted for Bush, but you're probably just an old hippie.
  • 4-6 pts. Not too bad, people can tell that you probably go to church on a regular basis and you those you associate with already know you're a Christian. You probably voted for Bush.
  • 7-8 pts. Pretty Pious. In church every Sunday. Gay people make you sad and abortion makes you feel sorry for the misled women of the world. You voted for Bush in 2000, and most likely did in 2004.
  • 9-10 pts. Fundamentalist. In church every Sunday, Wednesday and any other opportunity you can get. Not only do you have a plethora of Christian stickers, but you have tons of Patriotic stickers as well. Gay people make you angry and abortion makes you fume. Your gun cabinet is probably well armed. You repeatedly tell your office co-workers to "turn or burn". You feel that America is best served by a Christian government. (That was how it was founded after all.) You voted for Bush twice and you'd do it again.
  • 10+ pts. Rabid Fanatic. You no longer go to church because they don't follow the Bible the way God intended. You spend more money on advertising your faith than on your car, your house, kids or maybe even personal hygiene. Abortion doctors need to be stopped, since the state won't do it maybe you should. America is a place full of heathens and you long for a country that you can go to (or establish) that is based solely on the principals of faith. Frothing Bush fan. Cowboys and bombs make you happy and there's nothing like the idea of nuking the entire middle east.
Don't worry about your actions in this life, forgiveness is just around the corner. If you only choose to follow some of the commandments, make it the good ones. And remember, if you claim Christ the loudest and most often, he'll be sure to save a special place just for you.


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