Dreading Tomorrow

or should I say, later today, as it's 1:40 in the a.m. I get to go have a "talk" with my parents, about my sister, Jen. Mom and Jen haven't talked in years, but I talk to Jen from time to time. We're far from close, but she's my sister. Distance and the estrangement from the rest of the family have put a tremendous strain on our relationship. She's a wonderful person, and she and I both want to get to know each other. I would add "again", but the last time we really knew each other I was 8 and she was 17, and there was a lot going on. So, needless to say we've both changed a bit. Mom knows I talk to her, usually about once a year or so, but has no idea I invited her to the wedding.

Well, I suppose with all the familial feelings flying around, Mom thought it would be great to send Jen a letter. Sounds good, right? Not having her address, she sent it to Jen's in-laws' house, via registered mail. Yeah, she "wanted to make sure it got there". So someone had to sign for this letter, essentially guaranteeing that Jen would receive it. I guess she did that so if Jen didn't write her back she could hold that over her head too, along with all the other "transgressions" actually outlined in the letter. You'd think that after nearly a decade she could put all the petty B.S. behind her and just try and make good, for the sake of both of them. No, not mom.

I wasn't going to tell Mom that Jen was coming. I was hoping that Jen, and her daughter, would be able to show up at the last possible minute, sit in the back, give me a hug, congratulate us, and if any discomfort was shown, just leave. With a little luck, mom wouldn't even have the chance to say as much as "hello" to her before she could escape. Now that can't happen without my intervention. Jen was ready to come. She was going to face the possible fall out and just show up, because she wants to be there. If for no other reason, she knows it would make me happy. Now she's questioning whether she should or not. Thanks mom.

So here I am. Going to my parent's house tomorrow, 2 p.m. I've got to do something to make sure that, if Jen comes, there's no guilt trips, no pedestals, no crosses. Whatever the relationship after the wedding is of no consequence to me. I just want my wedding to be about me and Robin, but I have to get through tomorrow first.